Do you know what type of lights Noah had installed on the Ark?
One cow looked at another cow and asked 'Have you heard about
the new mad cow disease going around.?'
The other cow answered, 'What do I care? I'm a helicopter.'
There was a little mouse in his little hole in the wall. The one day that he really wanted to take a walk, a huge cat was right at his step. The little mouse was so upset that he couldn't leave.
While he was trying to figure it out he heard a dog barking 'Ruf, Ruf'.
That's when he got a great thought. He said to himself, 'Where there is a dog there is no cat and where there's no cat, I can go for a walk.'
So he strutted on out of his hole. All of a sudden the cat grabbed the mouse chewed him up and ate him. Then the cat said, 'WOW, it's great to be bilingual!'
Why I'm so tired...
For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, exercise, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason -
I'm tired because I'm overworked. Let me explain...
You and me.
...and you're sitting there playing around on the internet.
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"
It's a regular class at a university. Forum type, 300 to 400 students. The teacher is notoriously nasty with people who are tardy and he has a policy that when he says, 'STOP,' you stop taking your exam. Well one day he yells STOP! All the students stop and turn their tests in, except for one student. So the teacher thinks, 'OK, I'll let him keep going to waste his time.'
So five minutes pass and the late student walks up and tries to turn in his paper. But the professor says: Sorry I can't take your paper.
Student: Why not?
Professor: Because you're late.
Student: (angrily) Do you know who I am?
Professor: (looks at the student) No.
Student: (Raises his voice) Do you know who I AM?
Professor: (acting nonchalantly) No.
So the student grabs the stacks of tests, shoves his tests in the middle of the pile and walks off.