Jokes Page 5

You know it's time to reassess your relationship with your computer when....

  1. You wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
  2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
  4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.
  5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.
  6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
  7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.
  8. Your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.
  9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.
  10. You move into a new house and you decide to netscape before you landscape.
  11. Your family always knows where you are.
  12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL."
  13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

What do you call an illegally parked frog?

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner?
The position of the Dirtbag.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.

A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Jew, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"

What's round and goes "Grrr Grrr?"
A vicious circle.

What do you get when you cross Star Wars: Return of the Jedi with tomato sauce?
Jabba the Pizza Hut.

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, 'I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here.' The string walked away a little upset and sat down with his friends. A few minutes later he walked back up to the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, 'I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here.' So the string goes back to his table. Then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. Then he walks back up to the bar. His friends think that he's crazy. So, he orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, 'Hey, aren't you a string?' And the string says, 'Nope, I'm a frayed knot.'

There are these two Indians crossing the desert. The older one is bragging that he can tell if other Indians are coming, and his younger friend asks, "How can you tell?"

"Put ear to ground like this. I hear noise of many feet," says the old Indian, and he puts his ear close to the ground. "OH!" he exclaims, "Buffalo come!"

The younger Indian says, "You can hear that, too?"

"No, the old Indian admits, standing up and grimacing, "Ear sticky."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dishes who?
Dishes the police- open up!