You know it's time to reassess your relationship with your computer when....
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum
The position of the Dirtbag.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Jew, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"
What's round and goes "Grrr Grrr?"
A vicious circle.
What do you get when you cross Star Wars: Return of
the Jedi with tomato sauce?
Jabba the Pizza Hut.
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, 'I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here.' The string walked away a little upset and sat down with his friends. A few minutes later he walked back up to the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, 'I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here.' So the string goes back to his table. Then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. Then he walks back up to the bar. His friends think that he's crazy. So, he orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, 'Hey, aren't you a string?' And the string says, 'Nope, I'm a frayed knot.'
There are these two Indians crossing the desert. The older one is bragging that he can tell if other Indians are coming, and his younger friend asks, "How can you tell?"
"Put ear to ground like this. I hear noise of many feet," says the old Indian, and he puts his ear close to the ground. "OH!" he exclaims, "Buffalo come!"
The younger Indian says, "You can hear that, too?"
"No, the old Indian admits, standing up and grimacing, "Ear sticky."
Dishes the police- open up!