My additions

These are ACTUAL excerpts from a book containing Model Papers, and some taken from a Class VII II Language Guide.  I don't want to write the names of those books here, but I'm sure you'll recognise them if you have the books.  I have not introduced any spelling mistakes or "anomalies" :) on my own - everything is quoted exactly as it appears in those books, even capitalisation of words!

First, let's see what the book of "Model Papers" has to offer...  This book was probably an attempt to make a quick Rs. 100 from every person who bought it.  It was published sometime in 1997, only a few copies were printed.

I tried to actually answer a few questions from it - but then gave up because I had to DECIPHER the questions first.  So I then decided to mark all the errors in the book - there are literally hundreds!!  These are some of the funnier ones...

  1. "Instrument which records and reproduces is called 'Tape Recorder'."
  2. "When the frequency of sound waves is between 20Hz and 20,000Hz we can hear.  These limits are called the limits of sudibility or audible range."
  3. "Neclear fission is the procession which a heavy nucleus splits and forms heavy weght nuclei."
  4. "A valve with two electrodes lis called a Dioxide."
  5. "Love form to periodic table consists of 18 groups and 7 periods." (it should be 'long form of'!!)
  6. "Ammonia has pungent smell, phosphione given rotton fishy smell.  Both the molecules are phyramidal in shape."
  7. "A homogenous mixture of two or more substances is known as a liquid."
  8. "Compounds having same number of mole with different properties are known as Polymely.  This process is konwn as Isomerism."
  9. "What are salt meadows?
    "Harge flat ponds near seashore with without sand."
  10. "A dog hangs his tonque out in summer?  Evaporation example."
  11. "A dry gas at normal pressure is a bad conductor of electrician."
  12. "Birds have no eyes yet they fly easily, How __________"
  13. "NCl3.  Give reason __________"
  14. "Shirliness of a musical note depends upon __________"
  15. "Name of the acid secreted in our stomaon?"
  16. "The shape of methane molecule is...
    (a) Pyramidal (b) Angular (c) Felrahedral (d) Friangular bipyrame"
  17. "The many, being very jungry, ate too much."

And after all that, the biggest joke is on the front cover which proclaims "Answer Booklets Can Be Obtained"!

These are some 'quotes' from the VII Class Special English Guide.  I bought this in 1993 - and have preserved it for all these years - it's a great joke book!

The textbook we had that time was an abridged version of Dickens' Great Expectations, which was nicely written, but this "guide" to that book is really something that has to be seen to be believed.  I don't think it's published anymore.

  1. "Answer the following questions in a wentence or two."
  2. "Who was seated by the mound near the riva?"
  3. "Who looked after Pip's Sista"
  4. "Pips kindness to a stranker" (Chapter title)
  5. "What was Joe's answers to it?
    "Joe answered to it, saying that he was glad because the prisoner received some food from his house.  He did not know what he had done.  His people never know it.  That did not want him to die of hunger.  If some one gave him food from his house, he was really happy about it."
  6. "Why was Pip in tears?  What did Estella to tell him?
    "Estella did not talk to Pip.  She did not even look at him.  She brought food in plate and put on the stones in yard.  She did not ask him whether the food was enough.  Pip felt terribly sorry.  So he was in tears.  She asked him why he did not cry.  She laughed at him and said that he was about to shed tears."
  7. "What did Mr. Pocket say about Miss? Havisham?
    "Mr. Pocket said Miss Havisham wanted some one to be at home and so she lived there.  She was very rich women once she tried to marry a young man.  She gave him a lot of money.  Her father warned her about the strange manner.  So she sent her father out.  She could not marry the young man because on the wedding day he did not come.  She was very much disappointed and stopped all her clocks.
    The verb is a word which reveals an action, a condition or a possession." (that last line was obviously printed in the wrong place)
  8. "Figth like a hero."
  9. "The lion is the king of bears."
  10. "Why did the stranger call Pip "noble boy"?
    "The stranger called pip, "Noble Boy" because the letter had done something to his when he was a child.  He was greatful for his noble act in giving him file and bread the body did not inform the police of his where about."
  11. "What did Herbert and pip decide about provis?
    "Herbert and Pip decided to keep provis on the other side of the river so that no one could see him.  Her bert wuld love after his comforts and Pip should not go there."
  12. "What was not that he received when he went home?
    "Pip when he went home, received a note from the gate man.  As per the note she would not go home."
  13. "Who wrote note to Pip?
    "Wemmick wrote not to Pip.  It said that he should not go home."